Just for the Republicans

[Gyps]

(where'd the joke page go? lol)

Dear Red States:

Congratulations on your victory last Fall over all us non-evangelicals.

Actually, we're a bit ticked off here in California, so we're leaving. California will now be its own country. And we're taking all the Blue States with us. In case you are not aware, that includes Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois, and all of the Northeast.

We spoke to God, and she agrees that this split will be beneficial to almost everybody, and especially to us in the new country of California. In fact, God is so excited about it, she's going to shift the whole country at 4:30 pm EST this Friday. Therefore, please let everyone know they need to be back in their states by then.

So you get Texas and all the former slave states. We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get Elliot Spitzer. You get Ken Lay. We get the Statue of Liberty. You get OpryLand. We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom. We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss. We get 85% of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get all the technological innovation in Alabama. We get about two-thirds of the tax revenue, and you get to make the Red States pay their fair share.

Since our divorce rate is 22% lower than the Christian coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms to support, and we know how much you like that.

Did I mention we produce about 70% of the nation's veggies? But heck, the only greens the Bible-thumpers eat are the pickles on their Big Macs. Oh yeah, another thing, don't plan on serving California wine at your state dinners. From now on it's imported French wine for you. (Ouch, bet that hurts!)

Just so we're clear, the country of California will be pro-choice and anti-war. Speaking of war, we're going to want all Blue States' citizens back from Iraq. Also, we really hope you find those missing weapons of mass destruction. Seriously. Soon.

With the Blue States in hand, the Democrats have firm control of 80% of the country's fresh water, over 90% of our pineapple and lettuce, 92% of all fresh fruit production, 93% of the artichoke production, 95% of America's export quality wines, 90% of all cheese production, 90% of the high tech industry, most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, plus Harvard, Yale, Amherst, Stanford, Berkeley, CalTech, MIT, etc., etc. We can live simply but well.

The Red States, on the other hand, now have to cope with 88% of all obese Americans (and their projected health care cost spike), 92% of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100% of all tornadoes, 90% of all hurricanes, 99% of all Southern Baptists, 100% of all Televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, and Bob Jones University. A high price to pay for controlling the presidency. Additionally, 38% of those in the Red States believe Jonah was actually eaten by a whale, 62% believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44% believe that evolution is just a theory, 53% that Saddam Hussein was involved in 9/11 and - most hard to grasp - 61% believe that Bush is a person of moral conviction.

Sincerely,

California

[Ry]

funny although most of those numbers are botched.

The North East and California are in tremendous Debt and the South has NASA and just about the entire military. The Best beaches according to youre own magazines ect are the Carolinas then Florida not California. LA is the 2 most polluted city and first in police corruption.

You gave us Ronald Reagan, we gave Jefferson, Madison, Tyler, and so on...
California had slaves too, they were called Chinese people, you still have a large wage slave system based on Mexican labor and California was the last state to lift the bounty on American Indians which you continued to kill well into the 1900s. You put the last Yani Indian in a museum in California where he died.

ps you have the son of a Nazi as your governor.
-signed Virginia, oh did I mention our state has a surplus?

[Fat Pat]

OOOOOOOO! No you di-in't! I sense another good ole' fashion Civil War comin' on! Cali verses Virginia! Wisconsin will fight Illinois because we really are sick of your drivers, you shit heads!

[Gyps]

roflmsao...i think that's old (from right after the election). people are blowing the dust off their old stuff.

hey how bout that speech tonight (where the barfy icon?!)

[Revolution]

I'm siding with Virginia. They store the US's nukes.

It's true though Virginia has a surplus and California is like millions in debt. Plus I'm not argueing with Ry.

How irronic would it be if the blue states wanted to seceed? I'm sure the red ones would say let them go. The thing is about 80% of the states that were blue was red. If you look at it by county, only the very big cities were blue. In smaller areas where it is easier to rig the election it was all red. I think it was in North Carolina where one county had more votes for Bush and Kerry than there were total voters.