Domestic abuse & the stigma of asking why it happens

[Captinseafood]

Ok. First, a disclosure: I am an American male age 35. I'm in a usual, heterosexual relationship, with its usual ups & downs. I do not in any way believe in or condone domesticviolence, though I have had my fair share of physical conflicts and confrontations in the world at large. I want to bring up a very taboo subject in regards to the on going drama of Oscar Pistorious
http://m.guardian.co.uk/world/2013/feb/ ... ricket-bat" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;
The media is having a hard time picking a side: did he shoot to death his girl friend, Reeva Steenkamp, in rage or by a horrible accident. The point is moot for this post. Though some in the media here in the USA are using this sad and generally depressing story to push agendas, rangeing from gun control to battered woman's rights, I want to ask y'all a real question: when do men that get the emotional or physical shit beat out of them by their female partner/spouce get any support in the mainstream dialogue? How many men experience unfathomable abuse from their female counterpart and keep it silent. How many campaigns are there for battered/shit on men???? About Oscar Pistorious, and many other men that are in the news about domestic assault/murder , is there a phenomena of male vilification that exists for such agendas? How many men are used by the media to push the "male dominance " issue with out another question being asked: what went on concerning the females side of responsibility? In a relationship between to average humans, barrIng pyscopaths/scociopaths, we all know it takes 2 to tango- problems are created & exsasorbated by both parties. Why does the MSM and most folk always blame the male? We all have a breaking point, and im not rationalizing violence in any form, but why is the larger mutual cause of domestic conflict never discussed and the male portrayed are the sole issue???? I hope to get some real dialogue and not a bunch of hate for this honest perspective.... Thx...

[Ry]

Doesn't matter you cant shoot unarmed people male or female.

As far as hitting a woman, to me that doesn't matter either. You can hit whoever you want if they are attacking you. It doesn't matter if they are smaller or female or drunk or whatever. They should not attack you then. Assuming oh I can hit someone because they are not allowed to hit me back is BS. Someone hits you and you should clock them. Now with discretion of course. However if someone really is at a massive disadvantage then rather than hitting them, pin them down, choke them out, hold them upside down, tickle them, wrap them up in a blanket or rug and sit on them. Pick them up and spin them around until they get sick. Hold them and both their arms in the scissors and watch some tv, if they yell put a sock in their mouth or pinch their nose shut so they are force to breathe out of their mouth. Armpit to nose is good too just add a head lock and cover their eyes to so they have no means other than calming down and giving up on the condition you will let go of them however make it so you dont let go until they have been still for about 4 minutes that way you know they are not lying just to make you get off of them. They will know that if they start up again, they're just gonna be right back in the same spot again only it will be 8 minutes and so on. There are many ways to subdue someone without causing lasting damage esp if they are small.

[33breeze]

My answer to this is the same to women. I believe violence should only be in self defense. You should never be in a relationship or continue one that makes you feel like you have to physically defend yourself. You leave that relationship. I know some people may say that it's not that simple, and there are instances of stalkers and etc. Try to take every measure possible to get that person out of your life. As for people that want to justify physical or emotional abuse, I have the same answer. Leave the person. If someone does something to you that makes you want to physically or emotionally abuse them whether it be cheating or something else it doesn't matter. You're not happy with the person, and you can't get any worse without that person. If you depend on an abusive person financially, or in any other kind of dependent situation, make a plan to leave as soon as you can do so.

[Tim]

The prosecution (lol like they prosecute anything in SA) claims he shot through the bathroom door four times and then dragged her out and shot her again. If that's true, he's a cold blooded killer and wasn't defending himself at all. I find it strange that he would have a premeditated murder plan in store for Valentine's Day though..

[Int'l man of mystery]

Ok. First, a disclosure: I am an American male age 35. I'm in a usual, heterosexual relationship, with its usual ups & downs. I do not in any way believe in or condone domesticviolence, though I have had my fair share of physical conflicts and confrontations in the world at large. I want to bring up a very taboo subject in regards to the on going drama of Oscar Pistorious
http://m.guardian.co.uk/world/2013/feb/ ... ricket-bat" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;
The media is having a hard time picking a side: did he shoot to death his girl friend, Reeva Steenkamp, in rage or by a horrible accident. The point is moot for this post. Though some in the media here in the USA are using this sad and generally depressing story to push agendas, rangeing from gun control to battered woman's rights, I want to ask y'all a real question: when do men that get the emotional or physical shit beat out of them by their female partner/spouce get any support in the mainstream dialogue? How many men experience unfathomable abuse from their female counterpart and keep it silent. How many campaigns are there for battered/shit on men???? About Oscar Pistorious, and many other men that are in the news about domestic assault/murder , is there a phenomena of male vilification that exists for such agendas? How many men are used by the media to push the "male dominance " issue with out another question being asked: what went on concerning the females side of responsibility? In a relationship between to average humans, barrIng pyscopaths/scociopaths, we all know it takes 2 to tango- problems are created & exsasorbated by both parties. Why does the MSM and most folk always blame the male? We all have a breaking point, and im not rationalizing violence in any form, but why is the larger mutual cause of domestic conflict never discussed and the male portrayed are the sole issue???? I hope to get some real dialogue and not a bunch of hate for this honest perspective.... Thx...

I think for most people, it all comes down to statistics and sexist stereotypes, where people falsely assume that only the male is capable of certain things against the female and that the female is completely incapable of those things against the male. This in turn, influences the media to some extent, which is probably why they portray bad relationships in general as being the fault of the male.

[Ry]

Defending himself from what? It was an unarmed person. he is guilty of murder period.

[Int'l man of mystery]

Defending himself from what? It was an unarmed person. he is guilty of murder period.

I thought we were talking about domestic abuse in general rather than that specific incident in particular.

[Ry]

well yeh both but in the instance that was brought up whoever brings a gun to a fist fight is a murderer

[Int'l man of mystery]

well yeh both but in the instance that was brought up whoever brings a gun to a fist fight is a murderer

Well, I don't think there is any disagreement there. And it appears that he may have been taking performance-enhancing drugs.

[Ry]

In what world is shooting someone who is unarmed and not even attacking you with a gun 4 times and then shooting them after that when they are down and out "defense"